I sometimes struggle with the idea of life everlasting. If life goes on after death forever, does this life have any meaning? Why are we here if only to go to the next? Master Rockbar always said I thought too much for a half-orc and maybe he is right. According to our texts this life is but a dream of the next life not yet lived. But if that is so why are we dreaming. What manner of creature is dreaming us? Is it the gods? Perhaps like Master Rockbar says, these questions are best asked when we are departed from this world and I must stay in the here and now.
These past few days have been very trying for me. I now am beginning to see the huge range of emotional turmoil that tends to dwell within the varied races of the world. Jack is an interesting little fellow, resourceful and brave, but I have a nagging suspicion that he is not all that he seems. I have been told that my intuition is usually good but I have no reason to think anything ill of him. Still I will watch him closely if only to satisfy my own curiousity.
The human mage Elic is a delightful companion, although I admit he tries even my considerable patience. He seems to always mean well although like Jack, there are times where I almost get the impression that he plays the part of the doddering old fool intentionally. Again I have no reason to think so but it is another feeling. I have been wrong before though.
Lastly, Derek, my companion these last months, he has become a good friend in these travels together but he is a man that does not trust easily. I think this does not allow him the opportunity to truly experience life and love like he could. The walls he has built up around himself need to come down if he is to have the happy life I know he wants. His mood swings must be the result of some sort of trauma in his past. I wish he would speak about it more, perhaps I could help him to overcome whatever demons are plaguing him. His inclination to use deception is another trait, though not uncommon, that I believe he can overcome.
The truth is a difficult road to walk but it is one of the highest virtues but Derek in his suspicion seems to believe that everyone is out to get him and as such seem to think it is weakness or gullibility to tell the truth. I have agreed to keep quiet when he is being deceitful in order to not compromise his goals but I am hoping that in time he will come to see that he does not need to use such tactics and that the truth will serve him far greater in the end. All things considered, he is a very interesting man, and I am glad that I can call him friend.